As a disclaimer, green and red flags never cancel each other out. If your relationship has any serious red flags, then the number of green flags is irrelevant. That being said, here are some good signs.
- Your SO is a good listener. They don’t interrupt you, and they seem to consider and respond thoughtfully in regards to what you have to say. You leave conversations with them feeling heard.
- They’re on good terms with at least some of their exes. This might be a big surprise, but if they’re a good partner then you shouldn’t have any cause for jealousy. If you date someone who’s never had a mature ending to a relationship, or who calls all of their exes ‘crazy’, then it seems likely that your SO was the problem. On the other hand, someone who can handle the end of a relationship maturely is probably a good communicator.
- Respect. Your SO should respect your (reasonable) boundaries and expectations. They should treat everyone with all possible kindness and understanding, whether it be your friends or your waiter.
- Maturity. Your SO should generally act their age. They shouldn’t deal with conflict like a toddler, and they should be able to take care of themselves. Don’t date someone who expects you to feed, clean for, or generally manage life for them.
- Your SO should help make you better. Date someone who politely and firmly calls you out if you cross a line with them. Date someone who encourages you to improve your life.
- Having a life of their own. Everyone should have a balanced life, and it’s great if your SO doesn’t spend every second with you. Your SO should feel comfortable and good about spending some time with friends, family, etc.
- Being willing to let you into their life, and to go into yours. Your SO should want you to meet their friends and family and should want to meet yours. (Assuming a functional family life).
- Someone with whom you want to spend time. If you’re consistently not excited to see your SO, then why are you with them. Everyone will have rough patches, but don’t let the rough patch become the relationship.
- Your SO has a decent sense of optimism and humour. This signifies that they’ll be able to make bad times better, rather than worse.