I remember my first love, and I can also remember the horrible day when he broke off with me. I sank into a deep depression. I also felt shocked. I was shocked because I had thought we’d be together forever. What happened?
I think that break-up with our first love is the hardest. Your first love is especially special and memorable. That is why you are suffering so much. How long it takes to get over your love will depend upon how you get through the stages following the breakup.
According to psychologists, we go through 7 stages following a breakup:
- Shock. I felt that. I’m sure you might have, too. It is the realization that this just can’t be happening to us.
- Denial. I kept telling myself that it couldn’t be happening. How could it? We were so in love. You probably felt this way, too. It is quite normal.
- Isolation. I didn’t feel this way, but some people do. It is good that you have reached out to people who love you, such as your dad. It is good that he can help you. During this time, I kept looking at photos he had sent me. I kept thinking about what I had lost.
- Anger. Have you felt anger? I felt angry. Sadness turned into anger for me. During that time, I decided that I just couldn’t stand the thought of him. I also knew that at some point I needed to get him out of my mind and stop thinking so much about him and obsessing over him for my own mental health. I began dating others. That helped me because guys took my mind off of the ex. I think the anger propels us to action.
- Bargaining. At some point, I still felt there was the hope of getting him back. But every day that passed made me realize that it was finally over.
- Depression. Here is where you are right now. Try to spend time with your friends. Spend as much time as possible with friends who will console you. Stay away from negative people. Try it to spend too much time alone.
- Acceptance. By this stage, I had a new boyfriend I decided I actually liked better than my ex. My ex was no longer a painful reminder of what I lost. It is during this phase that you consider the mistakes of the past and how you can improve your relationship with your current boyfriend.
I know it’s really tough breaking up with a guy, especially your first love. In some ways, you will come out a wiser and stronger person. Realize that there is life after a breakup. While you will never forget your first love, you will have a new boyfriend who will love you and you will love.